Archive for September, 2009

Steel and Style

Posted in Fiction on September 4, 2009 by GuNNhead

Steel Casino.
Style Games.
Two cunning friends, partners, if you will. When they were young, it was paper routes, normal stuff, and then they figured out how to start making some money on the side, scamming people, betting on little things like bike races with kids from out of town. They soon graduated to pool halls and sports bars, always running some sort of side scam to play the odds in their favor. Nowadays, though, they go after far much bigger game. It’s a matter of life or death. They fell in with the heavy hitters in the big city, hit men, mob bosses, criminal empires, and when you start hanging around them, well, you eventually become part of them. Big money was always the draw, livin’ better than people who didn’t know how to play the game.

Now, when one big bet went sour, Steel Casino and Style Games were confronted with either a quite forceful dose of lead poisoning to the brains, or making a special delivery for Sonny Bonizza. The delivery is always a reasonable choice for a man who wants his night to be full of desperate emotions. Steel Casino and Style Games weren’t big fans of losing, but then again, they kind of enjoyed not being made dead, and so here we are.

“Ah, damn, Steel,
“No way, Style, calm down, you create your fate with your own hands!”
“Man, you know that I believe in having the right packs for night acts! But, this is beyond that, we may die, man, die!”
“Don’t worry, this is just gunna be a simple drop off, and we’re home free, don’t worry!”
“…”
“Okay, okay, I gotta call our girlfriends first, but you know how it is, man, relax.”
Dammit, Steel, your eyes see a girl and your weapon instantly get into “ready for action” position. Let’s just do this and pray for a miracle.”
“Like I say, don’t worry!”

And thus began the zany comedy series “Steel & Style,” the characters based off a, well, exaggerated version of the writers themselves! This first underdog of a title first started off on the indie circuit, then once it hit it big at Cannes, and then got a global worldwide release, and, then all-out phenomena. It spawned four gigantic summer blockbusters after the first, highest grossing one being “Steel & Style: Undercover Capers,” an homage to “Secret Squirrel’s Undercover Capers.” Not only that, but two spin-off films series, videogames, a TV show, and the adult animated series Steel$Style!

That’s why, dear readers, you owe to yourself, purchase the diamond series collector’s edition. 6 Disks, over 200 hours of pure Steel & Style, all in a limited edition Diamond shaped case combination stand! That’s right, folks, your eye do not deceive you, now you too, will have the diamond of Shenanezar in your very own living room!

Order now, and receive as a special gift these S$S best friends forever matching silver chains!

No Update

Posted in Administrative, Fiction, Sci-Fi, Uncategorized on September 3, 2009 by GuNNhead

Hello, Dear Readers,

I must apologize; there will be no update tonight. I had the craziest day. Like, so crazy, all y’all would just not believe.

First off, I had to head downtown when I was only expecting to chillax and do some laundry tonight. Then, when I was about to head out to meet a friend, I got a text from another friend to meet up with her (which never ended up happening). So, I headed to the first friend’s house that’s downtown, and, wouldn’t’cha know it, Godzilla attacked. That crazy mother-fucker. The last time we met I was all like “don’t you even be doin’ like you was doing, fuckin’ all that shit up again,” but that dumb bitch got terrible memories all up ins this piece.

He was fuckin’ shootin’ his atomic breath, a powerful heat ray of thermonuclear energy, all over buildings and the like. Well, being the heroic gent that I am, I just gots to step in and be all “ain’t you listen to what I say you last time? I ain’t want no more of this stupid silly shit up in my crib.” Y’know what ol’ Godzilla’s response to that be? Yeah, : “Roooaaarrr!” Mhmm, you guessed it. That just ain’t civil. But, I guess the more that you’re thinking, the less that you know.

In case you are wondering, I cannot turn GIANT, like in the films, so I simply had to surge suit it up, and SUCKERPUNCH Godzilla in the face with my foot! Well, I can tell you that he for sure felt that! So he was all roarin’ some more, yeah, like I give two shits about that, my town was at stake. So, I freakin’ blasted his ass with super lasers! He for sure felt that, not like some, some weak ass tank crap or something, and he grabbed me out of the air, and hit me with that patented atomic fire breath of his! And let me tell you, readers, that hurted! It also, yes, also, burnt up my book with the actually good story in it that I cannot remember, as he also punched me in my head, which made me forget it too! I was a very unhappy camper, and so I summoned all up my energy, and went to the ground, and grabbed him by his tail, and started spinning him around! I spun him so fast and powerfully, and then shotted him right off of the island!

He for sure now knows not to mess with this place again, I hope! I say hope, not because it was particularly hard to get rid of him and his party poopin’ ways, but because I truly enjoy writing for yous guys, and just to burn my book like that really burns my buns! Y’know, that’s like, totally total disrespect! I don’t stand for crap like that, even if he just wanted to chill, there’s better ways to go about it. I’m sure he gots facebook or whatever… Man, just thinkin’ about it,,,, Ah well! I’m sure tomorrow’s story will be good!

Thanks for understanding!

-jake [GuNNhead]

The Key: Episode 2

Posted in Fantasy, Fiction, The Key on September 2, 2009 by GuNNhead

“Oh my, who are you?”
“I… my name is… uh, Quarter.”
“What an interesting name, mine is Trisitone, from the land of Valencian winds.”
“Hey, that’s great, I really have to get going, though.”
“Where do you come from?” She stares at him intently.
“Uh, nowhere, look, it’s been great meeting you, but I have somewhere I need to be, bye.”
“Oh, it’s been a pleasure meeting you as well, Quarter!”

He takes the stairs downwards past the stone table, heading back towards the castle, when he notices that she following him. He turns around.
“Hello!”
“Hey, Trisitone, where I’m going, I have to go alone.”
“Tris.”
“What?”
“Tris, call me Tris, all my friends do.”
“Hmm, you should really get back to what you were doing.”
“Oh, I really wasn’t doing much of anything.”
“Fine, whatever, where I’m going is a secret, can you keep a secret?”
“Ooh, I simply adore secrets! I have many I’ve never told to a soul!”
“Good, because this is that kind of secret, let’s go.”
“How exciting!”

He travels through the garden with her silent gentle footsteps in tow; through the large hedge maze, in between hidden sections and undergrown overgrowths. Finally, they make it to a vine covered wall on the eastern side of the castle. He begins to feel around, and simultaneously, he pulls upon a vine, and pushes against a brick. The secret passage slowly swings open towards the inside. He pulls her inside in front of him, and closes the door behind. They travel up a large winding staircase, lit only by iridescent mushrooms growing sporadically upon the walls and ceiling. Ignoring many other passages, an unrevealed one is at last chosen by Quarter, and they enter a mid-size room, a forgotten hidden section in the east wing. The floors are marble, and shine with a mirror quality polish. Turning to the left, they enter what appears as a dead end hallway. As Quarter presses himself up against the far wall, it slowly begins to glow, and the familiar red color appears, along with the white V ending in two white lines, then slides open.

Inside the marble floors begin anew, with the familiar stone walls adorned with painting and cloth. Directly to the front there is a pedestal with an extravagant fountain. Connected to this large structure is a small set of stairs, leading up to a large circular bed that is as wide as the room covered in red silk sheets, and hooded by veils.

“Ooo, how lovely! Is this your accomidates?”
“Yeah, I guess, but I need you to wait here, make yourself comfortable, there’s something that I must do.”

As she heads to the bed, he heads to the fountain. There is a scale on the top of the three tier fountain, with one of the scales disconnected, resting on the middle tier. First, he reconnects the disconnected right scale to the beam, balancing the scales. Then, he reaches into the water at the bottom, and as he holds his hand there, it begins to glow, and he pulls out the coin, a thin stone. He holds the coin in his hand, and rubs it, soon it turns a bright green, and four holes appear in it. It is ready, and he places it in the cavity in the flat wall of the front of the fountain behind the pool of water.

Suddenly he’s transported to a much muted reality, and, in great pain, he spits blood as it pours from his mouth.
“Fuck, this isn’t normal.”

Gore, L’Amour

Posted in Fiction, Horror with tags , , , on September 1, 2009 by GuNNhead

The knife cuts a deep semi-circle incision into the pelvis, from hipbone to hipbone. The knife re-centers on the bloody line, cutting upwards along the gentle navel, cleaving the soft, nubile flesh with ease, finally stopping at the base of the sternum. The one in control of the knife licks their lips in anticipation. Another semi-circle is cut along the bottom of the ribcage. Slowly and gingerly, the flaps of skin are lifted, pulled back, and pinned down.

This exquisite moment must be savored; the surgeon pauses, and takes in the aroma and visual splendor of an open abdomen. The moment over, gloved hands are thrust deep into the innards. The hands caress the kidneys, nuzzle the liver, pet the pancreas, snuggle the spleen, and stroke the stomach; lost in a visceral sea of velvet satisfaction. Up past the elbows, there begins an overflow, a spillover from the submersion. Blood and viscous fluid pour out onto the operating table and floor, the sound of splatter awakens, interrupting ecstasy.

The mind refocuses, taking in all once more. The hands take hold of the intestines, lifting them up out of the cavity, over their head, and onto their connecting shoulders, wearing them as a fine shawl. Feeling quite elegant, there’s a large smile, laughter, and tears of joy. Dreams are finally coming true.

The knife takes action again, disconnecting the apparel from their original proprietor. Knots are tied upon the ends, sealing them. Time is now of the essence, and one must act quickly and keep their poise. A shower is taken. New garments are put on; everything is readied, prepared, and pampered. A pronouncedly distinguishable vehicle appears outside.
“Curses, it’s too soon, I still have readying to do!”
Soon, a knock at the door. Then, another.
“I’m afraid I’m busy, you’ll simply have to wait!”
“Only a few moments, this is very important,” the large man says through the door.
Grabbing a few final things, and, of course, the gorgeous shawl, the figure heads out the door to the awaiting car, escorted, of course.

Arriving at the destination fashionably late, the man opens the door. Long, smooth, enticing legs come out one by one. An elegant pair of diamond-accented heels adorns the feet. Walking up the marble steps is no botheration as the mind only thinks of the entrance it is about to make. The hands stroke the intestines, as the skin can simply feel the silken beauty of this resplendent and magnificent perfectly matching dress. The large doors open seemingly of their own accord. As she walks into the giant ballroom, she notices it: the sickening, horrifying vision that nightmares are made of: curse her bones, that darn Margaret-Anne Merriweather wore the very same outfit!