No Update
Hello, Dear Readers,
I must apologize; there will be no update tonight. I had the craziest day. Like, so crazy, all y’all would just not believe.
First off, I had to head downtown when I was only expecting to chillax and do some laundry tonight. Then, when I was about to head out to meet a friend, I got a text from another friend to meet up with her (which never ended up happening). So, I headed to the first friend’s house that’s downtown, and, wouldn’t’cha know it, Godzilla attacked. That crazy mother-fucker. The last time we met I was all like “don’t you even be doin’ like you was doing, fuckin’ all that shit up again,” but that dumb bitch got terrible memories all up ins this piece.
He was fuckin’ shootin’ his atomic breath, a powerful heat ray of thermonuclear energy, all over buildings and the like. Well, being the heroic gent that I am, I just gots to step in and be all “ain’t you listen to what I say you last time? I ain’t want no more of this stupid silly shit up in my crib.” Y’know what ol’ Godzilla’s response to that be? Yeah, : “Roooaaarrr!” Mhmm, you guessed it. That just ain’t civil. But, I guess the more that you’re thinking, the less that you know.
In case you are wondering, I cannot turn GIANT, like in the films, so I simply had to surge suit it up, and SUCKERPUNCH Godzilla in the face with my foot! Well, I can tell you that he for sure felt that! So he was all roarin’ some more, yeah, like I give two shits about that, my town was at stake. So, I freakin’ blasted his ass with super lasers! He for sure felt that, not like some, some weak ass tank crap or something, and he grabbed me out of the air, and hit me with that patented atomic fire breath of his! And let me tell you, readers, that hurted! It also, yes, also, burnt up my book with the actually good story in it that I cannot remember, as he also punched me in my head, which made me forget it too! I was a very unhappy camper, and so I summoned all up my energy, and went to the ground, and grabbed him by his tail, and started spinning him around! I spun him so fast and powerfully, and then shotted him right off of the island!
He for sure now knows not to mess with this place again, I hope! I say hope, not because it was particularly hard to get rid of him and his party poopin’ ways, but because I truly enjoy writing for yous guys, and just to burn my book like that really burns my buns! Y’know, that’s like, totally total disrespect! I don’t stand for crap like that, even if he just wanted to chill, there’s better ways to go about it. I’m sure he gots facebook or whatever… Man, just thinkin’ about it,,,, Ah well! I’m sure tomorrow’s story will be good!
Thanks for understanding!
-jake [GuNNhead]
GuNNhead 
September 3, 2009 at 4:55 pm
What a kooky non-story.Normally, I would not be fond o such writing because of how sloppy and non-sensical it is; but, I am pretty sure that was the point. I ADORE “In case you are wondering, I cannot turn GIANT, like in the films, so I simply had to omegasuit it up, and SUCKERPUNCH Godzilla in the face with my foot!”…I think it’s the sweetest sentence ever, and yes, it really is too bad a GuNNhead cannot turn giant! It would make for quite the fight! Anywho, what a nice, little break from your regular serious stories, you added a splash of CRAZY to your blog. And Godzilla is a poop for trying to harsh on your good times!
September 4, 2009 at 2:46 am
lol, oh god. That was hilarious. It sounded like something we would come up with on night shift after entering a meat coma from Bo finger…You didn’t have Bo Finger without us, did you? DID YOU?!?!?! Just kidding. But seriously, this was the best non-update update ever. Kudos on a job well done…wait, do people still say Kudos? Whatever, long story short, I look forward to the next update.