Archive for pirates


Posted in Fantasy, Fiction with tags on August 17, 2009 by GuNNhead

“Yarrrrrrrrr,” said the pirate, counting doubloons.
“Yaaaaar,” said the captain, observing him carefully with his one eye, “Ye best count it well, y’ain’t the only one o’ me crew who can count, so don’t be thinkin’ fer a second that yee can pull a fast one on me, the great Captain Mayhem Paddock III, I’ll cut yer head clean off and feed it to the sharks.”
“aye aye, cap’m”

This is what I conceptualize to be a common dialogue on their ship, The Euphonia. It has been at sea for a few short weeks now, after a stop on land to pick up supplies, and to pirate the most precious jewels that this ship in particular seeks. This disembarkment had gone particularly well, and their findings continue to be enjoyed by all the crew aboard, and perhaps many of the accursed crowd they will encounter to pilfer from in the future. This crew does not plunder in the traditional sense, there are no reported murders, and no jewels, gold, or chastity are reported to have been taken unwillingly.

This ship, full of the vilest and most reprehensible riff-raff on the seven seas, pirates music. Murderers, rapists, and felons are nearly unheard of on this crew. These men all work together in a rum soaked ship to perform the most dastardly deeds the world has ever seen. They flow into town, and take in the local shows, orchestras, musicians, soloist virtuosos, minstrels, bards, and even yodelers; nothing is off limits to this pirate crew. They use special recording devices conceived by Captain Mayhem Paddock III himself, record the songs, and play them at future times for money and profit. Other times, this crew listens, remembers, and, taking instruments of their own, reperform the very same songs to others around the world. They truly are the most contemptible and underhanded of pirates.

The music that they abducted from the very air emanating from the original artist can now be heard around the world, for while these pirates are the best at what they do, and the most world-renowned, they are not alone in their depraved ways. There are other crews, who commit equally, if not worse atrocities upon the culture of mankind. These performances are no longer kept to a small and privileged few who can afford them, these pirates are spreading culture around as if it some sort of disease.

The Euphonia and Captain Mayhem Paddock III care not for culture or preserving neither the artist nor his managers, they only care to bring music across the seven seas, to those who have never heard it before, or anything like it. Those who have no right to listen to it, for they can neither afford it, nor do they deserve what is not native to their lands. They only see music as a means to join the world to their degenerate ways. I, Captain Reginald Ignatius Aapoiproire seek to bring every last one of these miscreants to justice. I have been tracking them for years, I cannot quit now without looking like a fool to my King and his entire court. I will see that the crew of the Euphonia hang for their crimes, especially that nigh-untraceable Captain Mayhem Paddock III. If only I could control or destroy him, could I see that this madness comes to an immediate end.