Face the Music at the Butcher’s Bar

“Hmm, looks like it’s time to clean the soap dish.” Adult thoughts are the fucking stupidest sounding, like, there’s no need to clean the soap dish, soap is clean. Anyway, no point. We’ll keep drinking and see if it gets done before I head out or sometime tomorrow. The spectre looms over me.

The usual place for events I go to is Butcher’s Bar, it’s an odd little tavern in the back of a supermarket. Go in through the alley, hit a little button on a buzzer, it’ll tell you to look up at the camera. Doesn’t matter who you are, really, they’ll buzz you in, I think they just do it for mystique. Adds to the weird vibe of the place, that’s for sure. Behind metal double doors, you can buy shots and halfburgers. No clue why they sold em by the half. And meats, assorted. The only light was from the grocery fridges on the sidewalls and the two big ones in the middles.

There’s one thing you need to know about me, my life is a prosaic nightmare from which there is no waking. There is a force in this world that has crossed a barrier between dimensions. Its coming here was a mistake, my fault, and now it is trapped within me, affecting my mind and my life. It does not like humanity, and my thoughts of ambition, my feelings of joy or love, act as a poison to it, to us. Should I experience amicability beyond the scope of what is required to remain alive for this conduit to the universal hatred of my existence, it shall appear, and I will be further disfigured for my indiscretion, it knows all I do and think, and revels in negative thoughts, they keep it sated. When I am miserable, I am safe.

However, it’s not all bad, self destruction and depression is a nice middle ground to live in. Occasionally, though, I do invoke the demon, just get to out of my apartment and drink until I wake up at home. The demon is an excellent auto-pilot. In the 14 years we’ve been together with my getting blackout drunk, I’ve never, not once, woken up elsewhere than my apartment. Tonight was lookng to be another one of those nights, and I was looking forward to it. But not too much, sometimes I can look forward to events too much, and the entity will reflexively trigger, rendering me unrecognizably monstrous and in pain for a time, preventing me from attending, and so I have learned to keep my expectations tempered. I cannot blame it, it is my fault for being too optimistic

Repressed expectations in tow, I enter Butcher’s Bar. Inside, I grab a few shots and a couple slices of salami. Scoping the place out, I grab a beer and a halfie to walk around with. I see some people I know, and have a general conversation with them, before zoning out and withdrawing from practiced disinterest. Finding a break in the conversation, I excuse myself to the bathroom, and wander. In the further back room, I pass where the bodies hang to the exit out to an enclosed lot where I can have a smoke. There are a few others here, I nod in acknowledgement of their existence, and keep to myself.

Back inside, I sit alone at the bar, and order another beer. I feel nothing here, and no connection to anyone. I am miserable, and it is perfect. I hate my life. After my beer, I head home around midnight. I drink more alone when I get home, listening to better music than what played at the bar. My own choice. Racing myself, I wake up not remembering anything after 2AM, and go to the bathroom. Washing my hands, I notice my soap dish is clean.

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