X Marks the Spot

“Yarrr, ye be far too far north! No way ye’ll ever make it to yer destination. Tell ya what I’ll do, I’ll take ye to that there final X upon yer map. Fer a small, modest fee, of course, t’support this oooold pirate’s bones.”
“Umm, yeah, sure, that’d be great, we’re having a devil of a time trying to find it, it’s be amazing to have someone familiar with the land lend a hand.”
“Now, let me see that map’o’yers, t’see what I can do for ya,” he says, while taking the map gently from the man’s willing hands. The pirate’s tentacled hands move their suction cupped digits along the paper.
“Hmm, yes, this should be fine, no problem, I know that area well, we’ll be able to find yer treasure. All that’s left is to get into m’ship, and I’ll we’ll be there in no time a’tall.”

Traveling at a moderate pace, the breeze flowed through the hair of all parties, and everyone was enjoying themselves in the presence of this grotesque, hulking sea creature. The pirate captain was intriguingly hideous, with his gills and facial fins always moving so rhythmically, and his tentacle fingers keeping an otherworldly motion, almost hypnotic if one were to stare at them for too long.

“Yar, it feels good to be out at sea, on the open ocean again; sea salt always be most refreshing when out on the waterrr. Like a breath of fresh air for me body.”
“Buoy, this sure is a scenic tour, everything is so wondrous upon the shore. How much longer, Captain…?”
“Captian B. Fathomage, at yer servitude, sire, and n’yarr, only a few miles left to travel yet, then ye shall be at yer destination, and yer hearts shall be filled with the sights and place ye desire, and ‘tis a wondrous area.”

The ship docked, and the Captain led his small group along the paths. They headed towards the rudderless X marked haphazardly on a local map of the area. His tentacles scrawled along the map. Pop. Pop. Pop. His little suction cupped fingers walked.

“Here we be, ye bunch of scurvy-ridden land lubbers! The house of famous actor George Clooney! That’ll be 15 doubloons, if’n ya please. Tips not included, yet much appreciated, of course. I be thank’n ya fer choosin’ Hollywood Pirate Tours™.”

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2 Responses to “X Marks the Spot”

  1. Thank you for giving me something to read along my afternoon cheese bagel at work on weekends. My favorite part is
    ‘His tentacles scrawled along the map. Pop. Pop. Pop. His little suction cupped fingers walked.

    “Here we be, ye bunch of scurvy-ridden land lubbers!’
    I love the subtle humor in your writing, it’s very silly and cute!..Especially land lubbers.
    CongRRRatulations GuNNhead!

  2. Buoy, this sure is a fun read. I should make a sign for your “Hollywood pirate tours”

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